October 2016 – Mission Critical International

Rebekah Around the World

My God Will Hear Me

by Rebekah October 4, 2016

In May of this year my adopted sister Mercy and I had the unbelievable opportunity to visit her biological family in Liberia and see the work God is doing through Mercy’s House there. During our trip we had a life altering experience and it has taken me this long to write or even talk about it because I needed time to understand what God was telling me through this experience. For you to understand the significance of my experience I need to tell you some of my past struggles.

I had what most people would think was a perfect life. I was raised in a loving family who were totally devoted to God and His mission in the world. I met God at a young age and fell in love with Him as a teenager. I never “sowed my wild oats” as a teenager. I committed my whole life to God which lead me to serve in inner city Los Angeles, Zambia, Rwanda and Colombia. But even with this seemly flawless life, I was tortured by self-doubt, depression, anxiety, worthlessness, and a desire to leave this life. I was never suicidal but I wanted God to take me “home”. I prayed that He would give me an incurable disease or let me die on the mission field somehow. I had this overwhelming feeling that this life was to hard and I just couldn’t take anymore disappointments or hurts. You see, I was molested at a young age and I know that had a lot to do with my feelings. But through counseling and Bible-studies I had started healing and even forgave the person who hurt me. I started understanding my worth in Christ. I knew He had a plan for me and He had a mission for me in this world. I knew He loved me and I was His spotless Bride but still I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t want to live here any longer. Every time I took a step in the right direction; I would pray and admit to God what I was feeling and ask Him to help me; I would still wake up the next morning feeling the same way. I was still living the life I knew God wanted me too but my heart was never fully in it. So now that you are caught up, back to Liberia.

Liberia has some of the most beautiful beaches and ocean I have ever seen. So one day while Mercy and I were in Liberia we decided we wanted to go swimming at the beach right next to her sister Olive’s house with Olive and her daughter, Little Mercy. Mercy and I had played in the ocean the day before but didn’t go in very far. We wanted to jump the waves and play in the beautifully warm and clear water. We were having the time of our lives until a wave more powerful than the rest came and quickly pushed us both out to sea. Suddenly I couldn’t touch the sand any longer and the waves were so strong I could barely keep my head above the water. Mercy was right next to me screaming as loud as she could for help. I am a better swimmer then she so I tried to swim back to the beach while holding onto her but I only succeeded in allowing Mercy to push me under the water and hold me under until I almost filled my lungs with water. When I finally struggled free of Mercy and lifted my head out of the water, I was nearly out of strength. As I looked back at the beach, I realized we were so far out now that even if I swam by myself I couldn’t get back. At that moment I thought, “why are you trying so hard, isn’t this what you want, to die here in the mission field? This really isn’t your fault. You could just stop swimming now and it would all be over.” But as I looked at Mercy desperately trying to keep her head out of the water, I knew I couldn’t give up. I had to keep on trying. And at that moment I began to hear Mercy praying “God please help me! This can’t be the end!” And I started praying too, “God please! I don’t want this to be the end!” Suddenly I heard God answer me, “are you sure, I thought you where done, I thought you wanted to die.” I said, “ No I was wrong, I have so much to live for, I want to see my nieces and nephews grow up.” Then I thought about my family and all the people God had given me in my life and I realized how selfish I had been and I repented and asked God for one more chance. At that moment a huge wave came literally out of nowhere and shoved Mercy and me back toward the beach and I was able to make it back to again get my feet on the sand; I helped Mercy reach me, pulled her in, and we walked back to the beach hand in hand then dropped on the sand and lay there a long while just breathing. From that moment until now I have been free from all the depression I had felt and I wake up every morning thanking God for another chance to live and do what He has called me to do.

After four months of reflection on why God allowed us to almost drown and then saved us, I have come to some conclusions and I want to share then with you.

First, God can deliver you from anything. He not only saved us from the water but also freed me from the depression that had haunted me most of my life. I can truthfully say I am finally and fully fee! Praise my Jesus!

Second, You can’t save someone if you are also drowning. This might sound weird but it has opened my eyes to most people’s condition. We always want to judge people and be angry at them for not being better people and helping us when we need them. But most people are going through more than we know or will ever know. They can’t help you when they can barely keep themselves swimming. God, however, can save you and He is all you need.

Third, Jesus hears you and will answer in His time. Maybe not as dramatically as He did for me but He will answer you as He see best.

Here are some of the scriptures that have meant the world to me in the last couple of months. I hope they show you how Great our God truly is. He can do what He wants at any time and He is so passionately in Love with us that He hears us when we pray!

[quote] “I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant with Joy, their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; He saved him out of all his troubles.” Psalm 34:4-6[/quote]

[quote] “But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the One who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God.” Isaiah 43:1-3a[/quote]

[quote] “He reached down from heaven and rescued me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me.” Psalms 18:16-17 [/quote]

[quote] “For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you . Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13 [/quote]

[quote] “This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I trust in Him.” Psalm 91:2[/quote]